Facts and Feelings

More thoughts on social media, and how by engaging in it too much, we accidentally stumble into shallow living.

This is not to criticize anyone. I do it too. Sometimes when I am enjoying a moment, I decide to try and capture that for my fellow peers online. However, I realized that a picture of my coffee can communicate a fact (“I am enjoying a latte,”) but doesn’t necessarily capture what I’m feeling about it. For example, as I drink that coffee, there is a myriad of possibilities for what I may actually be thinking. There are so many things that coffee could represent: “I am taking the day to rest,” or “even in the busyness of a day I can take a moment to sit, relax, look out the window, and breathe – to think about my life and appreciate what I have.” Or even this: “My day is so incredibly fast-paced and I’ve had so little sleep that I need this shot of caffeine to boost me through the day. I’m not feeling great, and today is difficult.” But we need not continue in shallow living. It’s not wrong to post our morning lattes on social media (who doesn’t love a cute cat face masterfully crafted in foam?) But life must reach beyond that. Let’s explain how we feel, and reflect on what that means. Perhaps not on social media – wherever is appropriate for you, do it there. Whether that’s in your journal or your head, or to a close friend or family member, understand yourself and connect with someone. Especially, when we’ve come to terms with what we’re feeling, explain your inner workings to God, who understands.

And if you need some music to reflect or pray to, try this: Brian Eno, "2-2"

Social Drift

We’re a little obsessed with being noticed these days.

I use social media a lot. More accurately, I drift there. Bored? Facebook. Lonely? Messenger. Often, I’ll watch YouTube videos with commentary just to feel like I’m involved in another person’s life. In all of these things, I guess I’m looking for significance, and even deeper than that, knowing I'm significant because I’m loved.

There are layers of motives beneath my drift towards social media. I push away real life at times by engaging in these sites instead of asking myself what I’m really feeling in those moments, and instead of having the courage to answer.

Some of us might see unhappiness as the problem. But it’s okay to admit to ourselves, and to God as well, how we feel. Lonely, restless, and unsatisfied people can go to God and admit safely that they can’t make themselves feel safe, secure, and happy. We can go to Him and be honest.

Sometimes I go to God halfheartedly, feel nothing, and think, “He doesn’t make me feel as satisfied as these other things.” In the moment, I want them.

However, part of honouring God as God of all is letting go of things that don’t compare to Him – putting down our toys and running to Him for a hug. I find that when I am in His arms, He does satisfy – that He’s way better than anything else. I can’t have ultimate satisfaction in both my toys and in God. I have to pick one; and I find that in surrendering to God, what I find more than makes up for what I’ve put aside or lost. In fact, when I have a healthy relationship with God – when I come to Him in honesty and surrender to His way – I start to relate better to other people. My relationships mean more. I’m not looking for love in the wrong places. Even so, this is always a process, and God has lots of grace for when we fall down and revert. We just come back to Him, surrendering again. Being honest and asking Him to change our hearts in ways that we cannot.

I think the remedy to wanting to be noticed is being safe in God’s love, and knowing He loves you most. You are someone in His eyes, and because of that, in comparison at least, it doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks you’re someone. Conversely, even if other people don’t like you, the love of God lifts us up in spite of that. Knowing He loves me is what’s most important, and at times it drowns out everything else.

Sometimes I still feel the pain of life. In fact, it’s very real. But God’s love is a refuge. A sanctuary, if you will.

I will probably never be a notable YouTuber. Let’s be real… their fans aren’t really friends anyways. It’s cool to connect with random people on the internet – to realize that there’s a real person on the other end of that keyboard. But you can’t have a thousand friends at once. I’ll probably never have thousands of followers on Twitter. Some moments I find myself actually wanting those things, as if that would solve my need for love. As if being noticed by many can replace a real relationship with One.

A Disciple in the Boat

“God, help! Do you not care what’s going on? Do you not see what’s happening in my life?”

I’ve been thinking about that story lately… The one where Jesus and His disciples are sailing across the Sea of Galilee after a long day of teaching.[1] Jesus falls asleep in the back of the boat while the sailors do their thing. After a while, a storm kicks up, but not a drizzle. It happens so quickly that no one realizes. It happens furiously – even the ones who are used to sailing start to lose their courage. Some of them have seen storms on this sea before, but not like this. As the waves start to leap over the sides of their little fishing boat and swamp the floor, the colour drains from their faces. The water in the boat with them starts to rise, and they realize they might not make it out of this one alive.

But there’s one hope left. Hurriedly, one of them turns to Jesus and shakes Him awake. “Teacher!” he screams over the sound of the crashing waves. “Don’t you see what’s happening? The boat is sinking! We’re going to drown! Don’t you care that we’re going to die?”

The undertone is unmistakable. Hours before, the disciples saw Jesus do amazing miracles and teach about the mysteries of God’s kingdom. Now, they’re afraid they’re going to die.

Anyone would be afraid in this situation, but they’re not just afraid or anxious or terrified. They’ve lost hope in Jesus’ character. They suddenly think that He doesn’t care about them; that He isn’t really concerned with what happens to them; that it doesn’t matter to Him whether they live or die. They misinterpret Jesus’ slumber in their storm as indifference.

Though there are storms raging in my life now, the presence of storms doesn’t mean that God does not care. It feels sometimes as though I’m alone. Wet with seawater, blinded by the wind, and tangled in the rigging, I turn around and scream at God, “Why don’t You care? Are you not listening? Are you not aware of what’s going on in my life right now? Look at this, and do something about it?”

Many times, this is subconscious. I push my terror back in the midst of the things going on in my life so that I can keep plowing forward. But when I do this, I don’t connect with God in it, and I think that’s probably more dangerous for me than unloading the fullness of my weak faith onto God. If there’s anything I have learned so far in life, it’s that He is strong enough to take my doubts.  So when I do realize that deep down, I am a disciple in the boat, it’s okay. Sometimes I need to face my storms head on in order to realize that I am not strong enough on my own to take them. I’m not physically, emotionally, or spiritually tough enough to face a storm on my own. But coming face to face with Jesus makes me strong. Or rather, I come face to face with my weakness and His strength.

Jesus stands up. He looks at them; He looks at the waves. He stretches out His hands. In the midst of the shrieking wind and the pounding waves, He gives the command: “Peace. Be still.”

They answer. They know their master. Do I?

When I’m faced with terror and sheer fear, do I know where to turn?

As Jesus looks back at His disciples, I can imagine an incredulous, though gentle, undertone to His voice: “Why are you afraid? Do you not have any faith?”

Did they not trust that He cared enough for them to protect them in the storm – not even just a little bit? Did they not know that He loved them, not at all?

Maybe that’s the value in the storms. They teach us where to turn. They show us the face of the Master, if we will only turn around and see Him. They show us that we are weak, but He is strong. They teach us that He is for us. Even if we come to the end of ourselves in the sea, we are given the opportunity to throw ourselves on Jesus, to lean on His strength rather than our own. Easier said than done, but at the end of the day, we really have no strength on our own in comparison. We need Him, and coming to a point where we realize that is valuable.

It has been a difficult semester. In everything, God has given me everything I needed to help me get through. Until now. Now, I hardly have the energy to accomplish anything. I’ve never been so exhausted in my life. Maybe until now, I relied on God for certain things. He was digging in my heart, and I responded. I was grateful for the work that He did in me, and I still am. But maybe even in all of that, I didn’t know the extent to which I needed to rely on Him. That I really can’t live without Him, not even a little bit. That I cannot ultimately rely on myself. The meaning of suffering, for this particular point in my life, is perhaps that it brings me face to face with a God I can’t live without. 


[1] For reference, I'm thinking of Mark 4:35-41, though there are other versions in some of the other Gospels. 

Needing Jesus

As a result of this [His previous words] many of His disciples withdrew and were not walking with Him anymore. So Jesus said to the twelve, "You do not want to go away also, do you?" Simon Peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life. We have believed and have come to know that You are the Holy One of God." - John 6:66-70

Jesus teaches something in the synagogue that is very controversial (6:26-59). It is so controversial that He loses many people from His huge following. Lots of admirers, fans, and those who liked His teaching and were amazed at His miracles (especially multiplying bread and fish in 6:1-14, which explains His metaphor of bread in this speech) now are shocked and disappointed, and leave by the lot. The same people who said of Jesus, "This is truly the Prophet who is to come into the world" (6:14) a day before now shake their heads and abandon Him. I guess maybe they changed their minds?

I can understand their confusion, and maybe even their disgust at Jesus' message. They were not expecting Him to claim to be "the bread of life" and "the bread which comes down out of heaven" (6:48, 49), or to tell them that "[h]e who eats My flesh and drinks My bloods abides in Me, and I in him" (6:56). Apparently, some of them took His metaphor for spiritual sustenance quite literally: '"How can this man give us His flesh to eat?" (6:52). In the end, many of them go, saying, '"This is a difficult statement; who can listen to it?"' (6:60).

It's strange that the same people who saw Jesus do a miracle fail to understand what He is truly saying. Just as He fed them all the previous day, He now teaches them that they must believe in Him and spiritually rely on Him to have true life. And yet, this is a message that many times we don't want to hear.

How many times have you thought (consciously or unconsciously) that you didn't need Jesus to do something in your life? How many times have you thought or felt that you were fine the way you were? I am so used to living in the way that I am accustomed to that sometimes it takes a wakeup call for me to recognize and remember that I need Jesus. I not only need Him to help me with certain things (ie. when troubles hit), but I need Him to be consistently working in my life, day in and day out, to change me in the long term and to give my life meaning and direction. I need His help to bring me closer to Him and live the way He wants (and not in a controlling way, but in a way that will actually bring me true freedom from the things that hold me back and keep my imprisoned in life). I am so used to relying on myself that sometimes I forget I need Jesus in everything I do.

Today I am working on a paper that I have struggled over (ie. avoided doing) for a long while. It is not a huge challenge in itself, but mental obstacles have been keeping my hands tied. The task seems overwhelming, and I am aware today that I can't seem to muster up the strength or courage to do it on my own. I need Jesus to help me be able to do this. Sometimes it is need and weakness that awaken my need for Him and His strength.

This paper will pass, and other challenges that I am facing probably will too. Even so, I cannot forget that even after individual challenges disappear, a deep and chronic need for Jesus remains. The good news, however, is that He is always there, and He is close. He has time for me, and doesn't wave me away. He wants us to come near and rely on Him; He wants to be our bread.

Whenever I don't know how quite to connect with Jesus, I just talk to Him. I know He's listening.

Today I pray that those struggling with things would not only talk to Jesus to ask Him to help with their specific challenges, but that we would develop a lifelong connection with Him, seeking His help through all of life's molehills and mountains, and that we would know and love Him for who He really is.  

Prologue

I want all of the things I write here to be finished, complete, refined. I want my thoughts to be perfectly expressed and thought through before I post them. And that's probably a good idea. But the irony of writing is that perfection is a process (and never truly attainable, to boot); nobody's first draft is that great, and no one's work at the beginning of their journey is ultimately what they want they want it to be. But here it is. And I hope my thoughts, however unrefined, will be interesting brain fuel for those out there who wish to read them.

This blog might also cover some thoughts and questions that I have. I might comment on issues and concepts that I'm wondering about or wrestling with. The name Sanctuary, however, is meant to reflect that no matter what we're thinking about or going through, our resting place at the end of the day is in in God and the comfort of His goodness, power, and all-knowingness. Even though I don't have it all figured out, I can be reminded that God is still my sanctuary.

Welcome to Sanctuary: my journey with God in amidst life's chaos. He helps us stand when the waters are rough. Feel free to comment and share your thoughts in response to mine.

He is good.